Do you know what I most want in life? A father. I want God to father me, to love me but I have this wound that gets in the way. I want to surrender this wound to Jesus ‑ but I’m scared. I received the wound from my own dad ‑ not his fault he got a similar wound from his dad. My dad never fathered me.
Now I want God to father me. To love me, to guide me, to be the one who I look up to. I want to play cowboys and indians with Him and I need Him to help me deal with the bullies of this world.
I want to sit intimately in His arms and be loved by Him. But my wound festering away prevents me from getting too close.
So what do I do? I play games. I try to be someone I’m not. I start thinking negatively about myself. There are other reasons why people think negatively about themselves ‑ try these:‑
What causes negative thinking about ourselves?
Focussing on appearance
1 Samuel 16 v 7. What does God look for when choosing a servant? An interesting experiment is to try describing yourself without using physical attributes. e.g. He is an excellent encourager with an ability to make people feel at home, etc…
Focussing on abilities
Focussing on our backgroundsJudges 6 v 15. Gideon says, “I’m the youngest and I’m also from the lowest tribe.”
Problems in the past from rejection
Failure in projects e.g. Marriage, football team, ‘A’ levels.
Comparing our weaknesses with others strength. Matthew 25 v 14‑30.
What happens when you view yourself wrongly?
Sometimes we are not able to receive love.
Sometimes we lack genuine friends.
Sometimes we try to grab on because we want to feel love.
Sometimes we have an improper reaction to criticism.
Sometimes we take instruction as criticism.
Sometimes we find it difficult to make decisions. Not self‑assertive.
Sometimes we become people pleasers. We become yes men. We join the in‑crowd. Problems of dropping our standards to get into the in‑crowd.
Sometimes we find a lack of faith, of trust.
Sometimes we turn to perfection.
Sometimes we have excessive shyness.
Let me throw some definitions your way. Again they might touch a nerve.
Some definitions
Pride
To be known as who we are not.
Negative pride
Thinking we are useless.
Losers limp
When you realise you are going to lose and suddenly develop a limp.
Prisoners of hope
If only I could be like him/her then God could use me. But what would you do with someone else’s talents when you are not using your own? Nothing. We steal from ourselves and God by not using our own talents.
Humility
To be known as who we really are.
“I discovered first of all that for the monastic teachers’ humility is the key virtue that is both the starting point and the enabler of the whole Christian experience. What they meant by humility, however, had little to do with the modern, everyday use of the term. For them, humility was not about grovelling before God or other human beings. It had nothing to do with being passive, being a doormat, or glorifying having a poor self‑image. It was certainly not a virtue recommended to women or poor people so that they would accept their place in society.
No, humility for the ancient teachers meant accepting ourselves and others just as we are, limitations, vulnerabilities, and other major imperfections included, as already equally valuable and beloved of God without our having to prove our worth by what we accomplish, what we own, what we do right, or by our status in society and in the church.”
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4 v 7.
You need to learn to guard your minds. Sift through things you are told. Do not let what you do not have prevent you from using what you do have. Do not allow the negatives in.
These things happen when we are self‑negative about ourselves. When we understand who we are we will change. We are the sons and daughters of God.
So what about God?
This is where we turn to the Bible. I have said it before but if God condescended to become an author, I think we ought to read what He wrote and well it is pretty awesome. I mean think about it, God Himself chooses to put in print what He thinks of you. Worth a read!!!
How does God view us?
Genesis 1 v 26‑31
You are utterly valuable to God. He made you to be like him, and everything he made was good and pleasing to him.
Isaiah 43 v 4
Because you are precious to me. You are honoured and I love you.We are precious.
Ephesians 4 v 15‑16
His (Jesus) very breath and blood flows through us, nourishing us so that we will grow up healthy in God, robust in love.This is talking about the body. As Christians we are part of His body ‑ have you ever thought what that means! Each part in the body is important.
Psalm 139
Read the whole BUT “Body and soul, I am marvelously made!”God formed us together ‑ as he wanted us to be. You are noticed by God. He knows and understands every action, thought and feeling.
Romans 15 v 7
So reach out and welcome one another to God’s glory. Why? Jesus did it; now you do it! Christ accepts us.
Ephesians 2 v 10
God does both the making and saving. We’re in God’s hands. I’m not what I want to be nor even what God wants me to be, but praise God I’m not what I use to be.
1 Peter 2 v 9
But you are the ones chosen by God, chosen to be a holy people…. We’re God’s own possessions.
Psalm 18 v 19
He led me to a place of safety; He rescued me because He delights in me. God delights in us.
1 John 3 v 16
You are loved perfectly. God loves you completely and totally. He could not conceivably love you more. Even if you became a Christian today for the first time, he would not love you more than he does now. He could not, because he already loves you perfectly!
1 John 4 v 10
God loves us.
Matthew 10 v 29‑31
You are of great worth. An average human has 140,000 hairs on his or her head (although red‑heads have only a measly 88,000). You are worth so much to God that he has noted the exact number on your head.
Even if you have never been valued, noticed or loved by a human being, you are not unvalued, unnoticed or unloved, for God does all these things for you personally and perfectly.
A mouse and an elephant were walking along hand in hand and they crossed a bridge and it really shook. When they got to the other side the mouse looked at the elephant and said, “Boy we really shook that bridge!” This is like our walk with God.
Psalm 18 tells us that God delights in us. Let’s look at it again but this time The Message version.
God made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before Him. When I got my act together, He gave me a fresh start. Now I’m alert to God’s ways; I don’t take God for granted. Every day I review the way He works; I try not to miss a trick. I feel put back together, and I’m watching my step. God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes.
Guys to wrap up, you want intimacy with God ‑ well work at it. Relationships take time… You need to work at them, you need to develop your relationship with God, I’ve told you what God thinks of you by showing you in His word, now read it for yourself, keep a short account with God, examine where you’re at with Him and talk to God. Walk with God ‑ get to know Him and let Him get to know you.
So what about my wound? Well if I believe these things of God and I do, it is time to allow God into these wounds. How am I going to do it.
Steps to freedom
1. We need to be honest, with ourselves and with God.
2. The way we view ourselves upsets God.
3. We need to renounce world values.
4. We need to be renewed in our minds. Romans 12. John 8 v 31.
5. We need to forgive the people that have hurt us.
6. We need to ask for a revelation of who we are. I want God to name me!
Statements you can make
Thank you Father because you love and accept me the way I am.
Thank you Father you love me just as much as you love Jesus.
Thank you Father you’ve made me a unique person.
Therefore I refuse to compare myself with others.
I the son of the King of kings and Lord of lords.
There is many more we can make but make them we should.